Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
