i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
