You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
