walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
