Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
