I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
