He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So vagazzling was a success
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
