I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
