walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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