what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
