i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
