I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
