Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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