So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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