how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
