dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize