And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
