Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
