ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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