dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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