Welp...herpes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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