im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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