We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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