Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
