Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You're like the curious george of whores
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
