I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How external is "for external use only"?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
