My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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