I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
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I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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