I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
