I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
