Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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