I CAN MOONWALK!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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