He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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