I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
