he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
