I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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