Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
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You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible