I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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