The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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