my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?