that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam