new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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