Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher