Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
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I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.