She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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