Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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