they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
