My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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