how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
