so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
