So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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