going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
