I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They took my balls.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
