Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
