I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
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Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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