I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
