guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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