win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize