Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
did i just pee glitter
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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