It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
