shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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