Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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