I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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