tell your sister to shave her snatch
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
