another moral hangover. fuck.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
