Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
