Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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