So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
