**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
