i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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