I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
