Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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