You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
